Sunday, July 22, 2007

It Won't Be Me

Somebody's gonna make you rich and famous
Somebody's gonna give you lots of children
It Won't Be Me
It Won't Be Me
Somebody's gonna pay his bills on time
Somebody's gonna clean up this fucking mess, but
It Won't Be Me
It Won't Be Me

Some special guy is gonna do everything you want him to, but
It Won't Be Me
It Won't Be Me
Some special guy's gonna see the light
Won't smoke, won't drink, won't swing, won't screw, BUT-
It Won't Be Me
It Won't Be Me, NO!!!!

One day the sun will shine
Everyone will smile and sing, but
It Won't Be Me
It Won't Be Me

c1998, Andy Seven (Scuzzbuster Music/Bug Music BMI)

Monday, July 9, 2007

The Beach Bitch

Spent a Sunday afternoon at Zuma last week. A quartet of girls fully-clothed walked right up to the shore line and set themselves down ogling at the guys getting ready to hit the surf. Two of the girls took pictures from their cell phones of guys stripping out of their wet suits right in front of them. One guy was pretty conscious of this and actually gave them a little show, doing stretches and shit and trying to be blase about it. WEIRD>

Later on a girl in a little white bikini walked by the tide in full make-up, earrings (WTF?) listening to her iPod. To say she was a little overly duded out for the beach was an understatement. Her hair looked very styled, too. Everything about her spelled FUCKHUNT.

My girl even told me she saw Fuckhunt stop right behind me as I was getting in the water in my little Speedo, probably getting ready to roll into her sex scam but changed her mind. I guess my girl burned her eyes into the back of her head. These chicks today!

P.S. I coated myself with suntan lotion like crazy and stayed out in the sun for only 2 1/2 hours. I still came home with a sunburn. The ozone layer is gone, Daddy, gone.

Friday, July 6, 2007

Los Angeles Gay Pride Parade 2007

Openly Gator: “Queer Duck, only you would treat a funeral like a disco”.
Queer Duck: “But everything is a disco”.
-Jm J. Bulllock, Queer Duck (Showtime)

The parade? Well, how disappointing was that? I didn’t see any motorcycle dykes this year and the vivid memory of gay gray leather daddies rockin’ out on a flatbed truck all giving me chickenhawk appraisal is permanently burned in my innocent memory banks. No gray gay leather daddies this year, just a lot of crummy marching bands, wholesome gay kids in white t-shirts marching down the road, dullard Asian PFLAG, etc. I like my gay filthy and nobody was serving it up. There was a bear truck with eyes and fangs but the gays on it were safer than soap.
Debbie, oops, Deborah Gibson rode on a convertible and waved to the crowd sporting the worst weave ever seen. It wouldn’t fool a 5 year-old. Worst Gay Pride Parade, ever.
After all is said and done, I had a great time both days and it was great to celebrate life and laughs with my gay friends. We are fambly.

Monday, July 2, 2007

Too Many Options For My Brain To Relax

Well, what are we going to do now? I can play guitar or my synthesizer, I can paint my Al Pacino tribute painting, I can do another insane woodcut, AAArrrgggh!, I can write more reviews of movies for, I can post more wild videos on YouTube, I've got so much talent up my ass I swear I'm going to explode!!! America, be thankful you have no talent and don't have to piss all over yourself with artistic anxiety like I do. Being super-talented is no fun.